Tonight was hard. My oldest son got frustrated with his little brother and decided to hit him with his reader and he lied about it. He was afraid of telling me the truth and that I was going to hit him like his step-father did to him. It broke my heart and it breaks me as a parent right now. I am lost for words and just not sure what I need to do or say right now. I love my child and I hate to see him in so much pain and turmoil. He told me that he got upset in Social Studies today that his teacher got upset with a student and that student happens to be Preston's friend and he had flashbacks of the abuse that he suffered.
I knew something was up when I picked him up from the library. We went to WM after work today and he would stay behind me, he would not talk to me, he was just there. We had dinner, but not a whole lot of joking or talking was going on. He sat on the couch with Noah to help him to do his reader and he got frustrated at Noah. Noah told me the truth, but Preston would not tell me. I separated them and then I got them together and then I decided to have them re-enact what occurred and Preston would not participate so I knew something was up there. He refused, but I got him to do and then he went nuts. He got up and went towards his room. I got him to stay and then I got close to him and he pulled away. I kept walking towards him. He kept backing and he ended up in his room and I walked right in there. He wanted me to leave, but I stayed and he cried and I talked to him. I just talked. I got him to calm down and realize that I was not going to hurt him. My whole body just ached from seeing this fear in his eyes. They were so red from fear or anger or both. He calmed down and we got through this. That is all I know to do anymore. I just know to relax and just be there and not push the "wrong" buttons.
Tonight was hard and it was the 3rd blow up, but at least these blow ups are getting shorter.
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