Small gifts but big meanings

Today I got this glass case I have been searching for a long time for this doll my grandmother made.  It wasn’t made for me originally, but it was one that was up for sale.  I just always liked it and when she died I got it.  Here is the story:

My grandmother died back in May 2000 after being in the hospital for a few weeks.  Her body just gave out and they took her off the tubes and just let her go.  She was a constant figure in my life and even though we did not get along while I was growing up she was still a big part of my life and most of that is good stuff.
She had this crochet doll on a shelf and she had 3 others with it.  I think it was ironic that she had those for sale for years and not one person bought them and when she died there were four dolls and four granddaughters…Debbie, Naomi, Laura, and I.  I just knew this is the one doll I wanted.  I didn’t care if I was the youngest one out off the girls, but that doll was mine.  I got it.  My mom helped me get it.  I know my cousins were a little miffed at me because they wanted that doll, but I didn’t care.  She was mine.

Now this doll was her casing.  I am going to treasure her for as long as I can.  Because sooner or later, Iwill add to this story about my cabbage patch doll.

Fall

I have come to you unclean
But your eyes have seen

What is in my soul
To create me as a whole

I bow down at His feet
As our eyes meet

He looks into me
For what He has already seen

Sees what Christ had in mind
When he created my time

I was meant to walk with Him
Through light and through dim

I was meat to fall
So that I could give Him my all

Prayer

While on your knees
You are stronger than you believe

Hands folded, mind to clear
Waiting on God to hear

Your cries are not heard alone
He allows them to be shown

Seek your family as well
For their prayers will help tell

That you are not weak
God will provide what you seek

As long as you follow His word
All your prayers will be heard.

I come

I come to you as a slave
You turn me into a brave

I come to you as poor
You give me so much more

I come to you humbled
You do allow me to stumble

I come to you as weak
You provide me with what I seek

I come to you as imperfect and unpure
But your love still endures

I feel lost and alone
Your love alone has shown

That you are the truth and light
Never to be let out of sight

We will find find life with you
And everything old will be new

Alone

Watching you sleep
Listening to you silently weep

Feeling your body start to breathe
And seeing you to go ease

Wrapping your hand with mine
Fearing there is little time

Hearing your body moan
While giving you a hushed tone

See you wake with peace
By letting your fears release

You won't wake up alone
I have not left you on your own

Single mom

There are days I let the single mom part of my life just overwhelm me.  I don't realize it until I am in a bad mood and everything just gets to me.  I hate that I don't know how to do certain things that I have been taught is a man's job, but when I am just a single mom it makes things harder for me.  I need lights in my kitchen and I have asked my office mgr to have them replaced and its still not done.  I am upset because I can do it but don't have the stuff to do it.  I need to have my vehicle checked and I don't know who to trust.  I go into a repair shop with no ring and kids and they think "easy target."  I hate that and plus I don't have a male friend that can assist me there.  I so want better for my kids than I had, but I am in the same boat my mom was in when we were growing up, but instead of 5 kids I have 2. 

I get no extra money for my kids.  The state says I make to much to get any kid of help so where do I go and what do I do, but let my kid be without.  I have to balance even milk into my everyday budget.  That is not right.  I got 5 weeks of child support and guess what I am now required to pay half of that back because I had public assistance when my son was born.  I hate the system.  I can apply for his disability and right now I think that I am going to have too.  I don't know what else to do. 

Single mom stinks.  I can see why God created two people to make a family.  It is not  a one person job. 

April 5th

Noah is running fever and coughing
Didn't balance @ work....short 85 bucks and no idea how I did it
Lights went out at work....didn't get to finish my daily duties
Received a collection letter from ATT on my net service and found out they didn't turn off my net from the old place and was charging me for it
Feeling overwhelmed right now.  Worried about how Noah will feel tomorrow.  I hate this weather.  Keeps making my kids and me sick.